Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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