Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
