And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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