There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
