people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
