marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
