Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
