He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
