And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
