Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
