you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
