dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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