just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
