Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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