Only a mothe r could love this liver
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
