I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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