consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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