i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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