You're my little dorito
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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