he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
