Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
