This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize