We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize