She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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