Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
