It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
