i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
