I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
