they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
