do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
