I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
