I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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