hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Girls should come with a carfax report
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
