I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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