made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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