i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize