I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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