We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
