Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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