I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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