So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
