I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
