i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
