I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize