he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
