And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
