I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
