Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
