i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
