The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize