ADVERTISEMENT

• (619): View more from California

  you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

  (716): View more from New York

  do you not see the irony in that??

  Fav 73 16812 1657

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them

  Fav 10 3649 2057

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (631): View more from New York

  I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.

  Fav 9 4171 1133

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here

  Fav 14 2529 1102

  share tweet
  

• (812): View more from Indiana

  I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.

  Fav 5 2837 1555

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face

  Fav 8 3003 1253

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place

  Fav 10 753 1351

  share tweet
  

• (856): View more from New Jersey

  You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.

  Fav 3 783 493

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing

  Fav 4 658 530

  share tweet
  

• (239): View more from Florida

  I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night

  Fav 2 806 532

  share tweet
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.

  Fav 3 617 459

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.

  Fav 4 516 745

  share tweet
  

• (856): View more from New Jersey

  You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"

  Fav 3 408 642

  share tweet
  

• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow

  Fav 0 81 17

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (540): View more from Virginia

  You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?

  Fav 2 33 36

  share tweet
  

Randomize