This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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