I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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