I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
