Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
