Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
