Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
