The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize