hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
my poor anus
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
