I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
