He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
