Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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