I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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