My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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