I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
