never play flip cup with pint glasses
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
