please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
