Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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