I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
