whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
