Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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