I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
two words...techno handjob
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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