Ambien. No doubt about it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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