Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
