It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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