why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize