I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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