I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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