I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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