I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
