just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
