I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
