your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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