when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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