I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
