yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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