Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
