i can't believe i had my finger in that
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
