I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
