we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
