Ambien. No doubt about it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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