I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
