i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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