I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
